Lets learn to say NO

I am not exactly a globe trotter but this year i had got a opportunity to travel to China. I met people of different nationalities Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Malaysian, British and Italian. Young and smart business people with noteworthy skills and sharp acumen.

One distinct and striking fact that i noticed when i spoke to them was that they plainly refused what did not appeal to them. They could easily say a clear NO straight across my face without any scruples of emotion or hesitation.

Now i really appreciate this attitude. To me this shows honesty, pragmatism and a clear sense of purpose and balance. I personally and deeply appreciate a NO because of my experience of doing business in India.

In India things are different, a clear NO is generally considered to be highly impolite and a mark of grave disrespect.

We Indians think that we must respect people and must not say a NO unless it is absolutely necessary. What we conveniently ignore and overlook is something called honesty.

Ask a person in business or in any profession, he will tell you it is true. We Indians live by unstated rule, the rule says that if you ask a help or favor or even a business quotation, don't listen to what the person replies, because he will always be polite to you and fake his words. Look at his action and judge whether it is yes or no.

Silence and no followup or no reply from a person usually means NO, this is irrespective of the fact that he would have shown interest when he spoke to you.

Now this inability to say NO is not restricted to our professional lives alone. Even in our personal life we have this problem.

Consider this example:

Suppose i am in dire need of some money and i ask my friend 'Can you lend me some money?' In case he doesnt want to lend me, his answer will be evasive. May be something like this 'can i get back to you in some time?' can i check and let you know? Can you give me some time? This is notwithstanding the fact that he had a clear NO in his mind.

His evasive answers is nothing but a clear NO according to unwritten Indian laws.

Now there is a serious problem with this approach, our assumption that a clear NO is bad and it will hurt the other person is wrong. Infact it is good for him. A mature person will not be offended by a NO but will actually appreciate it. This is because NO is a gift that will save his time.

Consider in the example above had my friend said a clear NO, it would have saved my time and would not wait for him to get back to me. Its a different thing that i would not have in any case because i already know he cant say NO.

But the idea of evasive response or evasive behaviour in place of a clear NO isnt good for us. Now what happens if a foreigner interacts with an Indian, People in britain or europe choose their words very carefully.

If someone there says i will think and get back to you, it really means he is going to think deeply on the subject and will definitely get back to you. It doesn't mean he isn't interested or NO.

Words like excellent, awesome, great and fantastic, are used to denote real emotions not as a filler words when you dont know what to say. In the same way words like Yes and No are used to denote real agreement and disagreement.

Another bad habit is not to respond when it is no. If you receive an order outside of your product line, why respond saying not available to him. Let him wait and realise we didnt have it.

If you ask anyone for something, he will just ignore and you will understand its NO. This is stunning behaviour Indeed.

A yes and NO has to be clearly communicated as a matter of basic personal and business ethics in place of evasive or disguised response.

Trust me, the other person will not feel disrespected but will appreciate you for your straightforwardness, immediate response and decisiveness.
So people lets learn to say NO.

Consider the below for practice now.
NO i will not...
NO i cannot...
NO i should not...
NO i am not...
Regards
Imran Hussain